How to Talk to Your Kids About Violent Images in the Media
One of the things it’s hardest to accept for me as a parent is that my children will eventually be exposed to aggression and unkindness. In fact, they will need to be exposed to these things - in small doses, hopefully gradually - to build up resilience against them. Another hard fact for me to accept is that, for Gen A children, it’s statistically likely that many of these “first” moments of exposure to violence or aggression will be when I’m not present to buffer the experience for them.*
They will see something on YouTube from a schoolmate on the school bus; or see an explicit video at a friend’s house who has more relaxed tech rules; or learn about violence through games like Call of Duty that some of their peers will soon start to play; or hear verbal descriptions of an adult video or deepfake of a classmate that’s being passed along the school gossip chain.
Or, maybe, they’ll simply have a glimpse at the world news.
These moments - in my view - are nearly inevitable for Gen A, including my children, and instead of becoming more fearful, I try to educate myself about how to encourage open communication about these scary moments, so that when my children bring me one of these experiences for the first time, I’m not caught off guard, and instead am prepared to respond in a way that makes them feel safe and able to teach them what to do next time.
General Strategies for All Ages
Active Listening: Give your child your full attention. Listen without interrupting and summarize their feelings to show you understand.
Be a Role Model: Children often mirror your reactions. Stay calm and share how you are coping with your own feelings.
Create a Safe Space: Use warmth and responsiveness to build a sense of security within your family.
Primary School-Age Children (6–11 Years)
At this age, children may not fully understand the news but can still feel frightened or overwhelmed by repetitive coverage.
Acknowledge and Inquire: Don’t pretend nothing happened; this can cause confusion. Start by asking what they have already heard.
Stick to the Facts: Provide accurate, age-appropriate information without over-explaining. For example: "A man hurt some people, but the police have arrested him and he is locked up now so he can’t hurt anyone else".
Validate Feelings: Let them know it is okay to feel worried, angry, or sad.
Limit Exposure: Limit their time on the internet and commercial TV to reduce the impact of distressing images.
Pre-teens and Teenagers (12–18 Years)
Older children are more likely to encounter violent content independently online or via social media.
Foster Critical Thinking: Encourage them to question the media they see. Discuss how advertisements or news stories might use emotional appeals to influence them or skew their opinions about a topic.
Casual Conversations: Use everyday moments—like driving—to start spontaneous chats about what they’re seeing online.
Address Complex Content: If they see upsetting content (like pornography or real-world violence), explain that these images are often not representative of real life or healthy relationships.
Respect Privacy while Monitoring: Balance their need for independence with low-key monitoring. Set ground rules about what they see and do online to help them make safe decisions. (Source: Raising Children Network)
Notes & References
*Research indicates that exposure to explicit and violent imagery begins earlier for digital natives than we might believe - and often, that violent imagery is sometimes combined with sexual imagery. For instance, 44% of children ages 9-16 in Australia reported having seen pornographic material within the last month; and 53% of children ages 11-16 report already having seen porn. (Source: Quadara, A., El-Murr, A. & Latham, J.)
Quadara, A., El-Murr, A. & Latham, J. (2017). The effects of pornography on children and young people: An evidence scan. (Research Report). Melbourne: Australian Institute of Family Studies.
Raising Children Network. (n.d.). https://raisingchildren.net.au/
